It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
-A. Cohen

how's your storage room?
well, it's a storage room
steel walls and concreate floors
and now, full of stuff, my stuff no less
one more run,
two less hands
at least the project is started

a concert,
less sexy, more sexy
a rock concert this time
pushing and shoving
devil horns and wild outfits
i wanted to give him what he's been dreaming about
and yet, i cannot read his dream
but here in this attempt
i surpassed my own

to talk of love, of life
to take in those who are open
and open yourself to them
my goal
put away your thoughts
save yourself the tears

my love is brilliant.
and although I'll miss his words, I do like them better whispered in my ear.


so here's to a good idea:
good bye comments

it's easy to say one to many things
even to things you're not supposed to be caring about
sometimes my fingers type and regret holds back, until it's over

suppose it happens for a reason
either to unconsciously show myself that i maybe still care
or more likely, that i want to be protective of the one i love

i dont have any more control of the situation either way
cant do anything but nothing about anyone else's relationship with anyone else...
you get treated how you want to be treated
and you treat others as you think you should
(question mark)

cuz it doesn't mean that i'll begin to understand
but then again, i probably shouldn't try to

learn
little
things
along
the
way

amazing how a chipmunk filling his cheeks with leaves can make me happy
(tired body, over-loaded with disregard, and it all comes together)
i wonder where he takes those leaves, i wonder if he tastes those leaves
a life, so small, and filled with purpose

i admit, i often contemplate life.
the purpose, the gift, the struggle, the questions
for my own life and the lives outside myself (chipmunks included)
good or bad, i like to do it... feel life that is.
i am thankful, that i can take things to heart
because a life without heart, what's the point?
even if it's endless questions...

what a beautiful (not-so) surprise

i would wrather have my number in a hat and be randomly placed with someone than have to pick for myself, it's too easy to be picky with roommates. at least then i could know that i had no choice in the matter.. that it was just the "luck" of the draw. But when you have the freedom to pick, it's easy to define anyone as not perfect enough. either they drink or are trying to become a better christian... no booze no bible.

but home?

mom thinks i'm coming home because i have let everything get away from me. too unprepared and disorganized to have gotten a place on my own in a month. perhaps. i dont want to agree though, dont want to acknowledge that i let my procrastination take care of another piece of my life, too. not today.

it's what we do at this age right? suck up our pride and do what we gotta to survive? work school work school work work work.. or something like that. eat crappy food... be poor enough to wear glasses and contacts that fit the perscription two years ago?

well life changes.. (no surprise there.)
so, i'll suck it up.. (for today.)
and make peace with tomorrow when it comes.

one of my favorite things in the whole world is this: pulling into the drive way just as a really good song is ending.. like a perfect closure. the song finishes just as the key turns the car off...

i love that.

(Server is too busy.)

Preparing for two big changes...
moving, and not eating chocolate.
okay, time to prove I actually have some will power.

i was hoping i'd have a chance to prove i'm strong enough to avoid cosmic brownies and chocolate milk before i'd have to find new cupboards to keep chocolate free:

but something's changed, and it's happening for a reason.
so, maybe i dont need the absence of cumfort foods to prove i have the strength... even though i'm still wondering where the button is to jumpstart a proactive focus?

pick a room, someone, where do i start packing?

Tears have become my enemy.
TV shows crying as a moment of being open.
When you're willing to accept the new experience of change...
So when they show up, why do I only want to fight?
Just toss them out the window, unseen and in the dark.
You're sweet hand on my stained cheeks,
and those eyes of yours...
I wish I could meet their glory.
Without the weight of worry that I'll break down. Again.


I am loving the fortune of your love for me.
I am your kind of perfect...
Maybe now I can become my own kind of perfect, too.